Our story takes place the night before Christmas, outside the magical and wondrous structure that is Santa’s Workshop. It is a scene of busy preparation and anticipation, as a year’s worth of hard work finally comes to fruition! So as Santa’s little helpers run around checking every final detail, and Santa himself suits up for a night of delivering presents to children across the world; the Reindeer find themselves preparing for the trip ahead in their own special way…

CAST
Comet: Nic Bowden
Blitzen: Dan Khan
Prancer: Joe Lister-Streep
Santa: Rob Atkinson
Policeman: Ian Carter
Christopher Walken courtesy of Fiverr.com

Credits: Written by Phil Mason & Renate Reynolds. Produced and Edited by Peter Beeston.
Music Taken From: Santastic: Holiday Boots
This work is released under a Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported license

Outsiders might see the magic forest as an enchanted place; full of amazement and wonder. But for the people that have to walk these cobbles? Well, they see it all a bit differently. They know all to well that you don’t have to scratch very far to discover the criminal scum lurking behind every toadstool.

So here we find ourselves; outside a little wooden cabin, deep within the magic forest. As unbeknownst to them, two law enforcement officers are about to crack the case of their lives…

CAST

Christopher Bellamy as The Lieutenant
Ian Carter as Joe
Renate Reynolds as Grannie
Philomena MacLean as Red Riding Hood
Phil Mason as The Wolf
Jason Turner as The Dwarf
Emma Cuckson as Goldilocks
Becky Virgo  as The Wicked Witch
Rob Atkinson as Manny Shwartz
Nick Draper as Piggy one
Peter Beeston as Piggy two
Nick Card as The Police Radio
and Rex Davis as The Narrator

Credits: Written by Charles Gosden. Produced and Edited by Peter Beeston.
Also thanks to Graphixgoddess & Covenantc at Fiverr.com
Music: Featuring the track, ‘Sunrise‘ by Alastair Cameron
This work is released under a Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported license

We’re proud to present, a new selection of some of the most unusual and amazing adventures to befall our favourite pipe smoking detective. Written by the ever insightful Christopher Bellamy.

That evening, sitting outside their tent with a bottle of Armagnac, Holmes asked Lestrade what had made him suspect that the strange woman was, in fact, Professor Moriarty. “Was it your innate ability to sense when and where a crime is about to be committed?” he asked, to which Lestrade shook his head.
“Your Metropolitan Police training?”, asked Watson.
Lestrade shook his head again.
“A deep understanding of the criminal mind, perhaps?” said Holmes.
Once again Lestrade shook his head, drained his glass, then said, “Sheer luck, Holmes!”

Written and Read By: Christopher Bellamy
Produced and Edited by: Peter Beeston
This work is released under a Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported license

Have you ever felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, the chills going up your spine until you feel like you have to shake this feeling off your back? No matter how silly it feels? Or how about those times when you feel like someone is looking over your shoulder? So much so, that you can almost feel someone breathing down your neck?

Listening to this podcast, as you are right now; alone in a darkened room, the disturbing feelings become stronger than ever and so intense that you feel the need to keep looking behind you; just to reassure yourself that you’re still alone. That’s when it will strike…

Credits: Produced, Written and Edited by Peter Beeston. The story “Dracula” was taken from the Woody Allen book “Getting Even” and was adapted for the podcast because we think it’s brilliant. Please don’t sue us!!
Performed By: Jonathan Syer, Rob Atkinson, Duncan Miller, Christopher Bellamy, Rex Davies, Wendy Davies, Renate Reynolds, Chris Drury, Sangita Basudev and Phil Mason.
Music Tracks:Night Of A Thousand Orgasms – Genre Lectric
This work is released under a Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported license

The following show contains violent scenes, acts of a sexual nature and strong language throughout. It might also contain flashing imagery and small traces of nuts. It is unsuitable for children, pets, old people, pregnant mothers, gay people, straight people, bisexual people, white people, black people, people of any skin colour, people with skin, people without skin and people called ‘George’. You are strongly advised not to listen to the following program and to turn off your radio straight away. Unless you don’t want to, in which case….neeeehgh

Section 1: All The Kingfishers are Dead  – Joe Lister Yates
Section 2: Wonderfull Ducks -  Nick Draper
Section 3: Captain Awesome -  Nic Bowden, Phil Mason, Renate Reynolds, Jonathan Syer, Joe-Lister Yates, Graham Rodgers
Section 4: The Interview -  Renate Reynolds, Elaine Parker, Matthew Brown
Section 5: Dogs in my Nose -  Sangita Busadev
Section 6: The Devil -  Rex Davies
Section 7: Things that You Think -  Ben Folds
Section 8: Samuel Jones – Nic Bowden, Phil Mason, Jonathan Syer, Joe-Lister Yates
Section 9: Emily – Computer Voice
Section 10: Leeds United – Amanda Palmer
Section 11: Safety First – Nic Bowden, Jonathan Syer, Joe-Lister Yates
Section 12: Renagade Cows – Alan Robinson

This show was written by Phil Mason, Graham Marshall, Peter Beeston, Renate Reynolds, Matthew Brown and Andrew Callow.
Peter Quistgard can be contacted on: 200/00/37YQOQ7L
This show was edited and directed By Peter Beeston

On this weeks radio show, We host a panel discussion to ask if we really are too soft on them. Maybe they need locking up and the key throwing away. Then the key finding again, and then burying in concrete; then sent into space and finally back in time. At this point we should go back to where we locked them up to begin with and kill them. Then bring them back to life with the help of some type of voodoo witch-doctor and kill them again. That’ll teach ‘em to call us ‘not funny’…

Section 1: Intro
Section 2: Flat pack world – David Cox
Section 3: Toliet – Jason Turner
Section 4: The Mother of All Funk Chords – Kuitman
Section 5: Soap – Nick Card
Section 6: Threads – Peter Beeston, Laura Rae
Section 7: Snooker – Chris Drury
Section 8: Ultimate Showdown – Lemon Demon
Section 9: Sex Shop – Peter Beeston, Jason Turner
Section 10: McD – David Reaney, Ian Carter
Section 11: Call Center – Iain Chandler
Section 12: Mario – XOC
Section 13: The Guard – Nick Card, Peter Beeston, Nick Drapper
Section 14: Ending

It Was Written by Peter Beeston, Jason Turner and Nick Card.
Our Legal Advisors were Peter Quistguard, Peter Quistguard and Peter Quistguard.
This Show was edited and Directed By Peter Beeston

Due to an accident involving a decapitated head and copy of the ‘Oxford English Dictionary’; this weeks ‘Cornucopia Radio Show’ has been cancelled and replaced with a drama set in a small Welsh weaving shed looking at the events leading up to the abdication of Edward VIII through the eyes of a professional footballer and a politicians widow. We hope you enjoy it…

Section 1: Guard – Peter Beeston, Nick Card, Nick Draper
Section 2: Intro
Section 3: NHS – Laura Rae, Roy Powell
Section 4: Care of The Elderly – Jason Turner, Nick Card
Section 5: Brackish Weather – CassetBoy
Section 6: Bayeux – Graham Rodgers, Chris Lloyd
Section 7: Pams Pets – Wendy Davies, Rex Davies
Section 8: Spam Email – Nick Card
Section 9: Printer Jam – Mistabishi
Section 10: Pams Pets – Wendy Davies, Peter Beeston
Section 11: Snooker – Chris Drury
Section 12: Richard Dawkins – Paul Amber
Section 13: Power Tabs – Renate Faye,  Claire Hodgson, Phil Mason, Peter Drobinski
Section 14: Mayfly – Phil Mason
Section 15: Escher – Peter Beeston, Nick Draper
Section 16: Maguffin – Deena Lees

It was written By Peter Beeston, Jason Turner and Phil Mason.
Peter Quistgard was accidentally sacrificed to our gods during this performance.
We apologise to his family.
This Show was Edited and Directed By Peter Beeston

Due to lack of bandwith in this edition of our website, there is, regrettably, no room to give details about this weeks ‘Cornucopia Radio Show’ in the allotted amount of webspace available, due to the shortage of available data, except to say that the usual allocation is normally larger than this….   

Section 1: Intro
Section 2: TV Licence – Phil Mason
Section 3: 22 Mouse – Nine Pound Hammer
Section 4: Die Happy – Robert Perkins
Section 5: Big Wheel – Chris Drury
Section 6: TV License – Phil Mason
Section 7: Dr Yang – Ben Folds
Section 8: Mastermind – Andrew Martin, Andy Finnerty
Section 9: Radio Emergency – Peter Drobinski, Renate Reynolds, Chris Lloyd, Phil Mason
Section 10: Sashimi – Tunng
Section 11: Snooker – Chris Drury
Section 12: Backpeddle – Stephen Bullivant, Barry Fisher, David Reaney
Section 13: I’m Just Bloody Inside – Liam Lynch
Section 14: The Guard – Peter Beeston, Nick Card, Nick Draper
Section 15: As a Human – CassetteBoy
Section 16: Dave – Barry Fisher, David Reaney, George Webster
Section 17: Mr Lloyd – Jason Turner

Written By Peter Beeston, Jason Turner, Andrew Martin and Andrew Calow.
Medical Supervision was Peter Quistgard.
This Show was Edited and Directed By Peter Beeston

Who is faster than a speeding stock market crash, more powerful than a government bailout, and able to leap tall unemployment figures in a single bound? Yes! It’s ‘Commander Awesome & Liberty Lad’ and in times of severe fiduciary strife; they are the only superhero duo you will ever need (especially if you’re also a keen purchaser of high quality ex-superhero items on ebay)

Commander Awesome: Nic Bowden
Liberty Lad: Phil Mason
The Bank Teller: Renate Reynolds
Dr Mortistein: Jonathan Syer
Match Head Mark: Joe-Lister Yates
& The Narrator: Graham Rodgers
This Production was Written by Phil Mason.
And was Directed and Edited by Peter Beeston
This work is released under a Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported license

Poison is on the stereo, the guitar is plugged into the console and the biscuit-tin is all but empty. This is “Biscuits for Tea“, the story of two young flatmates who have recently left university and now find themselves considering what life might have in store next. Faced with broken relationships, dead end jobs, empty bank accounts and too much spare time to fill; they quickly work out that they’ll have to help each other out if they’re to get through this. That is, as long as they don’t irritate each other to death first…

Biscuits for Tea
Written By Matthew Brown
Starring: Renate Reynolds as Sophie
And Robert Perkins as Zack
Featuring the Music: “Every Rose Has it Thorn” by Poison, “Dan in Real Life” by Sondre Lerche and
“Helix Nebula” by Anamanaguchi
Edited and Directed by Peter Beeston
This work is released under a Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported license

It is said that Pheidippides, an Athenian herald, was sent to Sparta to request help when the Persians landed at Marathon, running 150 miles in just two days. After this, he then ran another 25 miles from the battlefield near the town of Marathon to Athens to announce the Greek victory over Persia in the Battle of Marathon with the word “Νενικήκαμεν”, meaning ‘We have won’. He then collapsed and died on the spot due to exhaustion. Many years later; in the town of Sheffield, we find ourselves focused on the adventures of a very unfit man trying to complete his first ever Marathon. He’s only just started and already he’s thinking about catching a bus…

Podcast 18

Starring:
Ian Carter: Steve
Paul Brunt: Greg
Sangita Basudev: The Radio Reporter
Chris Lloyd: Old Man Peterson
David Reaney: Fun Runner
Sara Robinson: Kate
Written and Directed by: Peter Beeston
Music: Prismatone, By Poddington Bear
This work is released under a Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported license

]]> http://www.cornucopia-radio.co.uk/hitting-the-wall/feed/ 0 http://www.cornucopia-radio.co.uk/free-by-three-special/ http://www.cornucopia-radio.co.uk/free-by-three-special/#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:26:08 +0000 Cornucopia Man http://www.cornucopia-radio.co.uk/?p=516

The meaning of ‘Three’ is all about the union of two parts to create a unique whole. That point of union forms the fruit of knowledge; it is our access point to unlimited potential. Because if ‘One’ represents force, and ‘Two’ represents an opening, then ‘Three’ is the birthing of true wisdom through a forced opening. So, let us ‘force your opening’ with the “Free by Three” special. Starting with “Falling”, a tale about the denial of gravity. Then later on you’ll hear us helping the public with “The Poetry Technical Support Line” and lastly, we’ll tell you about an object which everybody truly desires. We call it, “The Macguffin”

Podcast 17

Credits: Written and Directed Peter Beeston.
“Falling” was read by Tim Rutherford
“The Poetry Technical Support Line” was read by Iain Chandler
“The Macguffin” was read by Dina Lees
The podcast was presented by Clea Langton
This work is released under a Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported license